Sunday, June 15, 2008

Just a little angry

About 10 weeks ago we went to the Cincinnati fetal care center in hopes of being approved for the utero fetal surgery. Our hopes were crushed when they said it is no longer done except over seas. Then I was reading posts in my support group, Breath of Hope and I kept seeing others talk of fetal surgery. I was confused and asked and then I looked it up for myself and it seems that UCSF is still doing the surgery, boy was I shocked and angered. We wanted the surgery and we were told that we would be candidates (by cincinnati) if they still did the surgery. Well they do the surgery between 26-28 weeks and now it is to late because I am 30 weeks. This surgery could have saved his life, and all I know is that Cincinnati better pray my baby boy will be ok. I know everything happens for a reason, but I think this is just a little ridiculous. Had those doctors told me about UCSF we would have gone in a heartbeat. I feel very angry and hurt right now, and I guess I just need time to cool off.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Those two little lines

I will never forget how I felt the day I took the pregnancy test. I was so depressed from my last miscarriage and it was actually the day that I was due to have that baby. I waited a few days before I told anyone. I wanted to be sure and take another test. My husband was at work and my daughter was napping. I didn't want to take the test for fear of getting my hopes up. I took the cheap test first, and two lines immediately showed up. I was excited but wanted to be sure, I took the digital read out and, pregnant!! I called my friends right away and devised a plan to surprise my husband. I got Kay ready and we drove half an hour to his work. I brought him lunch. In one of the bags I gave him was the test. His face was priceless as he laughingly said "are you kidding"?!? when he opened that bag. I smiled and said no, and he smiled. It was priceless. It's crazy the thoughts you think when you see those lines. What they will look like, whether they are a boy or girl, and what day will I be due. I knew Kaden was a boy the moment I knew I was pregnant. James reminded me not to tell everyone, immediate friends and family only. He made me remember having to tell everyone we miscarried and how hard it was. By the time we thought we were ready to tell everyone we also had to tell them about Kaden's disorder and his outlook. I know it's hard for people to think of what to say when they hear that news. But trust me I'm just as uncomfortable. I'm so sorry to hear that normally works well.